Being together: 12 books on harmony in pairs.

Being together: 12 books on harmony as a couple.

Make friends, show tenderness and spend time together, be able to admire each other and share experiences … The secrets of a strong relationship in a couple seem simple, but in reality they are available only to those who are open and tuned in to dialogue with a partner. 12 books to help you sort out your feelings and establish dialogue, in a selection of Psychologies.

1. “Map of love”

The book is based on the famous study of relationships between partners in marriage, conducted by American family therapist John Gottman in 1999..

Volunteers, married couples of different ages and experience of relationships, were tested by psychologists under the supervision of video cameras and microphones.

The analysis of their facial expressions, gestures, intonations and feelings during the discussion of controversial topics allowed John Gottman to formulate the basic principles of a happy marriage. These laws of harmonious family relationships are described in the book.

Author: Dzhon Gottman Publisher: Eksmo, 2011.

2. “WE. The deeper aspects of romantic love “

Romantic love is both a state of being in love and a psychological phenomenon, a time when, in communication with another person, we learn the meaning of our life. But also expectations and disappointments in them.

American Jungian psychologist Robert Johnson explores the nature of love using the method of depth psychology – the analysis of myth (in this case, the myth of Tristan and Isolde) as an expression of our symbolic unconscious.

The book reveals the origins of romantic illusions and the authenticity of mature love.

Author: Robert Johnson Publisher: Kogito-tsentr, 2009.

3. “You and your family. Personal Growth Guide “

“Family life is somewhat like an iceberg. The fate of a sailor depends on the knowledge that an iceberg has an underwater part, and the fate of a family depends on understanding the feelings, needs and structures that lie behind its daily life, ”says the founder of family counseling, American psychotherapist Virginia Satir.

She wrote this book for men and women who have difficulties in relationships with each other. Having learned how the family structure functions, according to what laws it develops, one can understand what is happening to our couple in everyday life, and “make your family happy on your own.”.

Author: Virginia Satir Publisher: Institute of General Humanitarian Research, 2015.

4. “Love, love, love: about different ways to improve relationships, about acceptance of others and yourself”

“Acceptance” is the key word around which the storytelling of the book by Liz Burbo, the Canadian psychologist, founder of the school of spiritual development “Listen to Your Body”, is built. It’s about learning to accept yourself, your loved ones for who we are.

The book is a

detailed transcript of the psychologist’s dialogues with his clients – a married couple. Asking questions and analyzing the answers of partners, Liz Burbo examines each situation in detail.

This is an exciting reading, because from chapter to chapter (from meeting to meeting) we observe how each of the participants in the dialogue changes, how he learns to accept his relatives and external circumstances. As a result, relationships within the family become different, more trusting and close..

Author: Liz Burbo Publisher: Sofiya, 2013.

5. “Why do men want sex and women love”

Talking about the priorities, needs, methods of communication and the structure of the brain of representatives of each gender, psychologists Allan and Barbara Pease confirm some myths, debunk others and provide a scientific explanation for the third..

It turns out that men cannot help lying to their wives, that 80% of couples where one of the partners snores break up and that women are terribly excited by the husband’s proposal to vacuum or wash the dishes..

After devoting many pages to a convincing presentation of the insurmountable differences between masculine and feminine nature, the Pease couple finally soften the blow: “Humans differ from other animals in that they are able to define and change their behavior, making a conscious choice.” To help us with this, this book was written..

Authors: Allan Piz, Barbara Piz Publisher: Eksmo, 2014.

6. “The marriage is dead – long live the marriage!”

A Swiss psychotherapist ponders what is the precondition for a happy marriage today. He carefully examines the history of the institution of marriage and comes to the conclusion that the myth of a happy marriage was formed under the influence of the image of the Holy Family..

But it is nothing more than a myth: according to the author, “the so-called happy marriage has definitely lost.” Nevertheless, the author does not call for widespread divorces and families consisting of one person, giving us the opportunity to choose: “marriage is the path of happiness for many, but it can also be different.”.

Author: Adolf Guggenbyul-Kreig Publisher: Kogito-Tsentr, 2007.

7. “How to live in pairs and stay free”

Is it possible to live with another person and at the same time avoid conflicts? Do I need to sacrifice myself? Do we lose ourselves in a love union or, conversely, do we find?

Is it necessary to defend your position?

American psychotherapists Tina Tessina and Riley K. Smith argue that the freer each partner feels, the happier and more durable their union. The book describes behavioral strategies that allow you to peacefully overcome relationship problems, love each other and at the same time remain free people..

Authors: Tina Tessina, Railey K. Smith Publisher: Feniks, 2005.

8. “Honey, we need to talk about our relationship.”

Loss of trust and loss of emotional connection between a man and a woman is the main reason for many divorces. American psychologists Patricia Love and Stephen Stosny, each of whom has been advising married couples for more than a quarter of a century, argue that in most cases it is possible to overcome the alienation that has arisen..

In the book, they analyze the “dialogues of two deaf”, explaining in detail why it is so difficult for us to “hear” each other, what may be the implications of certain accusations of inattention and insensitivity. Step by step, sorting out mutual claims, the authors explain how you can establish an emotional connection with your partner in times of crisis, when the marriage is about to collapse..

Authors: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny Publisher: Sofiya, 2008.

9. “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love”

Anthropologist Helen Fisher analyzed a lot of information about lovers: she made tomograms of their brains and conducted in-depth questionnaires; measured the level of dopamine and other chemicals that make us feel aroused and pleased.

Fischer shares the results of his many years of research and explains what happens to us at the biochemical level when we fall in love, experience passion, love or suffer from unrequited love..

Author: Helen Fisher Publisher: Alpina non-fiction, 2013.

10. “Secrets of Happy Families. Male look “

What does “male” look mean? A minimum of psychology, a maximum of technology, in our particular case. We will not find advice like “Listen to Yourself” in this book.

But we will find various instructions “How to make it so that …” – the children learned how to manage their pocket money, the quarrel turned not into a scandal, but into a step towards mutual understanding, and so on.

Also, notes Bruce Feiler, columnist for the New York Times and father of the family, it’s important to recreate your family’s history. A common story is not only a reason to spend time together, listening and creating fascinating stories, it is also a sense of your place and your importance, your responsibility.

But the author is not only busy with children. Marital intimacy – in it, he also reveals something completely unexpected: for sex, “intimacy is the last thing a couple needs. Married people need a sense of isolation. Too close relationships kill desire “.